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  1. Yesterday
  2. Good Luck Liverpool fans In Kiev tonight. Make us proud..... By fucking staying there!
  3. Last week
  4. On my local area facebook page a woman was asking for local recommendations for a facial. They didn't actually specify if my ban was permanent or temporary!
  5. The Geography of a Woman.... Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business . Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and the United States..... Ruled by a pair of nuts!
  6. TV fanny pad advert. "Three point five billion women on the planet and no two are exactly the same. " Bullshit. They are all exactly the fucking same!
  7. Ireland. You're voting on abortion now? Bono was born 58 fucking years ago!
  8. If you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation....... Wish me luck, I appear in court next Monday!
  9. They had to get a translator in at the benefits office today... Some cheeky cunt came in speaking Scouse!
  10. Fuck off with your technicalities.
  11. And my Liverpool FC jacket is black so go figure.
  12. My Arsenal FC jacket is blue.
  13. Or Arsenal/Man Ure.
  14. An alien spaceship landed and it's two occupants got out and spoke to the first human they saw, "Take us to your dealer" they said to him. "Haha, what's up boys? Your universe translator on the blink? Don't you mean leader?" said the human sarcastically. "Look son" said one of the aliens, "we've landed in Liverpool, we know what we fucking mean."
  15. BBC News: "Saudi Women poised to drive in June, receiving death threats" Stay brave, Saudi Women... Next month you'll be the ones threatening death!
  16. If I had a ten pound note for every gender... I'd have twenty quid and a shitload of fake money!
  17. Whats red and keeps a cunt warm? A Liverpool FC jacket.
  18. Pretty much so.
  19. Because they use indicators, stick to the speed limits and don't force other drivers out of the way?
  20. The Police can never ever be considered as real BMW drivers
  21. Yes, it does happen sometimes. Like the policeman officers BMW's.
  22. In a BMW?
  23. EFA.
  24. No, it must have been a traitor
  25. Some woman knocked on my door earlier and said that she had lost her dog. She said, “If you help me find it you can fuck my pussy all night.” I said, "what's it look like?” She said, “It’s a big ginger hairy thing.” I said, “No thanks love, think I’ll give it a miss.”
  26. Some more women's Tinder profiles and what they really mean.... Average looking - Face like a robbers dog. Ex smoker - Bragging cunt. Ex Model - Fucked by anyone who would take her picture, now an old slut. Ex military - Lesbian. Professional sports woman - Lesbian. Yummy Mummy - Council estate slag with seven kids under six years old. Non meat eater - Non anything. Motorcycle rider - Suicidal tendancis Likes fast cars - Likes fucking rich blokes. Homemaker - She want to make your home hers. Want's relationship - Wants a gullible cunt. Likes children - Likes benefits.
  27. Oh yes!
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